


Our City Lights and Stars

by philosophical_sorrows_official



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, F/M, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 11:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10489401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philosophical_sorrows_official/pseuds/philosophical_sorrows_official
Summary: Reader has severe panic attacks and Bucky helps her out. Reader falls hopelessly in love with Bucky, and some fluff ensues on the Avengers roof.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr for better updates: philosophical_sorrows_official
> 
> And check out my poetry on my works!

The roof of the Avengers tower offered a beautiful sight of New York City. Tony's parties got old after a while, but the city's skyline never did. You would bring your pillow, a blanket, and her laptop up there whenever you felt herself sinking back into an alcoholic state. You've been clean for a year and plan on keeping it that way. But you still have the thoughts that are begging you to drown a bottle of whiskey.  
Your panic attacks were back, and they were worse than ever. The party was too loud, and you started to lose your train of thought, feeling the world shake around you. And the only person you could rely on to calm you down and walk you out without you crying, or curling up in a ball wasn't there. Bucky was the only one on the team who knew what was going on with you. 

The first panic attack you had as an Avenger was your second day as part of the team. You were feeling the coming on of an attack, the shaking, heavy breathing and the ominous pit in your stomach.   
You knew nothing about any of the Avengers, and you felt like an outcast. You were trying your hardest to put on a smile, this should be the happiest moment of your life, you thought, but this damn anxiety was ruining it.   
You were in the middle of the training room, waiting for Bucky, when the spinning started, and you fell to the floor on your knees. You were dizzy, and your body felt like you were convulsing, even though you knew you were perfectly still.   
Bucky walked in and saw you curled up on the floor, he ran to you and called your name.  
Of course, you didn't hear him.  
"Y/N!" He kneeled on the ground next to you, pulling back your hair to check if you were awake.  
You were staring at the ground, and you jerked back from him, hyperventilating.  
He kneeled next to you, realizing that you were having a panic attack, something he was aware of, he had mild ones of his own after leaving HYDRA.   
"Bucky!" You gasped, grabbing onto his arm, once you were calm enough. "I didn't want you to see that! Please don't tell anybody!"   
You started crying, you were in a very vulnerable state.  
He held you, and his metal arm gave you a shiver that went through you.   
"It's okay, I have them too." He said, noticing you shiver, loosening his grip with the metal arm. "I'm here, Y/N" He stroked your hair.  
After a minute, you released him, embarrassed, but relieved, for once someone was here for you. 

You didn't let that moment go, every time you saw the former Winter Soldier you smiled at him. You baked him his favorite cookies, which you asked Steve about and slipped CDs under his door.   
He didn't forget about you either, he stopped by your room everyday, asked how you were and talked about music with you. And he always caught you in the kitchen, baking his cookies and saw you humming happily. 

It's been a month since you've baked cookies and bought new CDs for Bucky.   
The roof visits for you have gotten more frequent, and the asphalt below seemed quite nice, too. Anything to make it stop!   
The panic attacks got you at the worst times, and you made sure no one knew. Especially Bucky, you wanted him to think you were better. You wanted him to love you back, he could never love someone like you.   
The hyperventilating started, and the ground rumbled below you.   
You felt a hand on your shoulder, giving you an inch back into reality.   
You turned around, teary-eyed and saw Bucky standing there with a tray of cookies in the hand not on your shoulder.   
"Buck?" You breathed out, barely a whisper.  
He sat down next to you, placing down the tray of snicker doodles.   
"Are you okay, doll?"   
You tried to smile, but the tears threatened to fall.   
"You don't need to pretend you're okay, because I know you're not. We all do."  
You looked down, the jig was up. You weren't going to be an Avenger anymore.  
"All I wanted was to show you I could get past this, that I was better than the anxiety I have." You sniffled, a tear rolling down your cheek.   
"Just because you have anxiety doesn't mean you let it control you, doll." He wiped the tear away, and kissed your forehead.  
"And now they all know!" You sobbed. "I-I won't be-be an Avenger anymore!"  
He was stunned.   
"Who said that?!" He was about ready to send someone through a wall.  
"They're going to say that, Steve will, a-and T-Tony will. And Na-Natasha." You stumbled over your words, really hyperventilating now.  
"Why would you think that, doll? we all love you. We want to help you!" He embraced you, rubbing calming circles on your back.  
You let your cries out on his chest, calming down to an occasional sniffle until he spoke again.   
"Are you taking your medicine?"  
"I thought I was getting better."  
"So that's a no."  
"It's a no." You took a pause, "I'm sorry."  
"Please, just take them, and if they don't work, we can see what will. And we could try therapy."  
"Maybe." You mumbled.  
"For me?" Bucky asked, looking down at you.  
You couldn't say no to this man. Whoever said you couldn't love someone until you loved yourself was obviously stupid.  
Because you loved him, and you never loved yourself. Everything about him was so beautiful, and brought so much light into your life.   
"Why are you staring at me? Is there something on my face?" He laughed.   
You blushed, chuckling.  
"No, Bucky you're good."  
"Okay, doll."

That night you spent on the roof with Bucky Barnes, eating snicker doodles, crawled underneath a fleece blanket. He showed you the constellations he knew and you made up your own, knowing none, even after looking up some on your phone. 

And after he thought you were asleep, Bucky laid a soft kiss on your lips.   
You turned over to him once he got settled, and you smiled.


End file.
